I had a fairly awful today. I had such a problem sleeping last night that the tiredness and tension overran my entire day. Do any of you get like that? It was close to being an anxiety attack, except it was over a long time. Tnese, andrenaline running. More fight or flight mechanisms happening. Extremely easy for me to lash out forcefully at something that simply annoys me. It's for this reason I didn't see anyone today, except when accidentally meeting a friend at Ikea.
One thing I miss about travelling in the third world is - and this may seem strange - actually seeing the suffering of everyday people. It's so bottled up here. Pain, joy, sadness, rabid fear, rage, complete suffering - it's all under the surface, unacknowledged. The silent master pulling the strings - only it's an unconscious master. Everyone has all these things in our society, from the corporate executive to the scruffy begger warming up outside the liquor store.
What I loved about travelling - and most of the time was in India and Nepal - was the room for all these things coming from Pandoras box. Beggars were extremely plentiful. Boxes of cardboard served as homes for hundreds of thousands. The temples were filled - with people and all inside them - anguish, sadness, hope, ecstatic joy. The lid was removed. And it was wonderful. I'm sure all the problems we see were there too - but there was fresh air as well. And it was that air that helped the healing and motion. And then because of this openness, I saw things that were amazing - entire communities that were truly, unabashedly happy and loving. Hopefully tourism and urbanization hasn't ruined all that by now, as it's precious.
It's not just me as an emotional person this affects - though it comes out more. Society is a whole - and the sickness in it affects us all. I don't know if I can describe what this sickness is. It's so ingrained, in our families, in our minds. And it causes so much suffering - being divorced from our hearts, we don't feel compassion. Not just for others, but for ourselves. I've had to work hard at being able to smile at myself - internally.
I suppose this is a long way of saying that I see myself suffering. And so much brings it on. My past, my internal battles - what psychology says. Psychology is expanding, seeing how interelated we are. My, how we are. I wish everyone would see the best way to help others is to truly help themselves.
One thing I miss about travelling in the third world is - and this may seem strange - actually seeing the suffering of everyday people. It's so bottled up here. Pain, joy, sadness, rabid fear, rage, complete suffering - it's all under the surface, unacknowledged. The silent master pulling the strings - only it's an unconscious master. Everyone has all these things in our society, from the corporate executive to the scruffy begger warming up outside the liquor store.
What I loved about travelling - and most of the time was in India and Nepal - was the room for all these things coming from Pandoras box. Beggars were extremely plentiful. Boxes of cardboard served as homes for hundreds of thousands. The temples were filled - with people and all inside them - anguish, sadness, hope, ecstatic joy. The lid was removed. And it was wonderful. I'm sure all the problems we see were there too - but there was fresh air as well. And it was that air that helped the healing and motion. And then because of this openness, I saw things that were amazing - entire communities that were truly, unabashedly happy and loving. Hopefully tourism and urbanization hasn't ruined all that by now, as it's precious.
It's not just me as an emotional person this affects - though it comes out more. Society is a whole - and the sickness in it affects us all. I don't know if I can describe what this sickness is. It's so ingrained, in our families, in our minds. And it causes so much suffering - being divorced from our hearts, we don't feel compassion. Not just for others, but for ourselves. I've had to work hard at being able to smile at myself - internally.
I suppose this is a long way of saying that I see myself suffering. And so much brings it on. My past, my internal battles - what psychology says. Psychology is expanding, seeing how interelated we are. My, how we are. I wish everyone would see the best way to help others is to truly help themselves.
posted by Loving Awareness | 1/03/2004 10:53:00 PM
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